I Tracked Weather for 527 Workshops. Don't Judge Me.

My wife found my weather spreadsheet at 2 AM on a Saturday.

"Honey... why do you have a file called 'Workshop Weather Patterns Final FINAL v3'?"

I tried to explain. She laughed. Then she looked closer.

"Wait, is this showing that rain increases revenue by 20%?"

"Technically, mild rain. Severe storms are terrible. There's a sweet spot between—"

"You're serious about this."

"Dead serious. Look at workshop 247. Thunderstorm warning, 31 attendees, $38,000 revenue. Best event ever."

She stared at me like I'd joined a weather cult.

How It Started

It began innocently. Dr. Martinez called to cancel her workshop because of a forecast for "beautiful weather."

"Everyone will be outside," she said. "Nobody wants to sit in a seminar on the first perfect spring day."

I told her she was overthinking it. Run the workshop.

Seven people showed up. Her previous workshop, during a dreary February drizzle? Twenty-two people.

That night, I started a spreadsheet.

The Obsession Grows

First, I just tracked sunny vs. rainy. Then I got specific:

• Temperature (exact)
• Precipitation (type and amount)
• Cloud cover (percentage)
• Wind speed (because why not)
• First nice day of spring (kiss of death)
• First snow (surprisingly good)

My team thought I'd lost it. "We're marketers, not meteorologists," they said.

But the patterns... the patterns were beautiful.

The Goldilocks Zone Emerges

After 200 workshops, clear winners emerged:

Best Weather for Attendance:

• 55-70°F (not too hot, not too cold)
• Overcast or light rain
• Mild wind (under 10mph)
• Stable conditions (no dramatic changes)

Worst Weather for Attendance:

• Perfect sunny days (75°F and clear)
• First nice day after winter
• Holiday weekends with good weather
• Extreme anything

The correlation was embarrassingly strong. r=0.73 for you statistics nerds.

The Day I Became a Believer

Workshop 341. Dr. Chen in Portland.

I suggested March 15th. She wanted March 22nd. I checked the historical weather data (yes, I do that now).

"March 15th has a 70% chance of light rain. March 22nd is typically sunny. Take the rain date."

She thought I was insane but trusted me.

March 15th: Drizzle. 26 attendees. $31,000 revenue. March 22nd: Gorgeous. Her competitor ran a workshop. 9 attendees.

Dr. Chen now asks for my weather predictions before scheduling anything.

The Seattle Revelation

Our Seattle practices averaged 24 attendees. National average: 15.

"What's your secret?" I asked.

"Secret? It rains here 200 days a year. Every day is workshop weather."

That's when it clicked. Seattle doesn't have perfect weather to compete with indoor events. Every day is mild-bad-weather day.

Mind. Blown.

The Confession

Here's the embarrassing part: I now check 10-day forecasts before confirming workshop dates.

Not obsessively. Just... strategically.

Okay, obsessively.

I have weather apps from three different services. I compare historical patterns. I've memorized microclimates in major markets.

My wife bought me a weather station for Christmas. As a joke. I use it daily. Not as a joke.

The Business Case (How I Justify This Madness)

Bad weather workshops average:

• 20% higher attendance
• 15% better conversion
• 32% more revenue

That's $3,840 extra revenue per workshop. Times 300 workshops per year = $1.15 million in additional revenue.

Suddenly my weather obsession seems less crazy, right?

...Right?

What This Really Means

Look, I know tracking weather for marketing seems insane. But here's what it taught me:

Success hides in the details everyone else ignores.

While competitors fight over Facebook algorithm changes, we're scheduling workshops during drizzle. While they chase perfect venues, we're booking dates with overcast forecasts.

The best competitive advantage? Caring about variables nobody else measures.

Even if it makes you look weird at parties.

The Text That Made It Worth It

Last week, Dr. Thompson texted: "Scheduled my workshop for the rainy week like you suggested. Highest attendance ever. You're either a genius or a witch."

I'll take either.

But between you and me? I prefer "Revenue Meteorologist."

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P.S. - My wife now checks weather before planning anything. "If Garry's right about workshops and rain, maybe he's onto something." Victory tastes like validation.

Want to see all 527 workshops worth of "crazy" data that actually drives revenue? Check out the full analysis:

The Math Behind the Magic: Statistical Analysis of 500+ Workshops

The Spreadsheet That Almost Ended Our Partnership

It was 11 PM on a Wednesday. My business partner and I were in our conference room, and things were getting heated.

"This is insane," he said for the fourth time, jabbing at the spreadsheet on his laptop. "You want to guarantee actual revenue? Do you understand what that means?"

I understood. I also understood what 527 rows of workshop data meant.

"Look at the numbers," I said. "Eighty-two percent success rate. Average revenue $12,400. Cost per failure—"

"I don't care about averages!" He slammed the laptop shut. "What about the disasters? What about the practices that fail three, four times? We'll go bankrupt!"

That's when I pulled up row 387.

The Workshop That Changed Everything

Row 387. Dr. Mitchell. Small town Kansas. Population 47,000.

First workshop: 6 attendees. $1,800 revenue. Total disaster.

"See?" my partner said. "This is exactly—"

"Keep reading," I said.

Second workshop (free under our guarantee): 11 attendees. $6,200 revenue.

Third workshop: 18 attendees. $14,400 revenue.

Fourth workshop: 24 attendees. $22,000 revenue.

"One failure," I said, "led to $42,600 in revenue over four months. Cost us one free workshop. $500 in our time."

He opened the laptop again.

The 2 AM Revelation

We sat there until 2 AM, going through every single workshop. Every failure. Every success. Every variable we could think of.

"What's this column?" he asked around midnight.

"Weather," I admitted.

He looked at me. "You tracked... weather?"

"Mild bad weather increases attendance by 20%," I said defensively. "Perfect days are actually terrible for indoor events."

He laughed. Actually laughed. "You're insane."

"Insanely accurate," I corrected. "Our no-show prediction model is 87% accurate within two people."

"We have a no-show prediction model?"

I showed him the formula. He stared at it like it was hieroglyphics.

The Moment Everything Shifted

Around 1:30 AM, something shifted. He wasn't arguing anymore. He was asking different questions:

"What about seasonal variations?"

"Spring workshops generate 20% more revenue. Tax refunds plus allergy season."

"Market size correlation?"

"Above 100k population, 87% success rate. Below 50k, 65%."

"Ad spend efficiency?"

"$600-900 is optimal. Logarithmic curve, not linear."

For every concern, the data had an answer. Not hope. Not theory. Data.

The Partnership Test

At 2:17 AM, he leaned back in his chair.

"The guarantee would cost us 3.75% of revenue," he said slowly.

"Correct."

"Insurance companies would kill for that loss ratio."

"Correct."

"My wife is going to think we've both lost our minds."

"Probably correct."

He closed the laptop. Stood up. Extended his hand.

"Let's do it."

The Eighteen Month Update

That was 18 months ago. Since then:

• 300+ practices guaranteed
• 18% needed free workshops
• 0% have bankrupted us
• My partner hugs his calculator

Last week, he called me into his office. Had the same spreadsheet open. Now it has 827 rows.

"You know what I love about this?" he said.

"What?"

"Row 387. Dr. Mitchell just completed workshop twelve. $28,000 revenue. From a guy we almost wrote off as a failure."

"The math works," I said.

"No," he corrected. "The math is beautiful."

Coming from a guy who once called me insane at 11 PM on a Wednesday? I'll take it.

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P.S. - He still makes fun of me for tracking weather patterns. But guess who checks the forecast before scheduling every workshop now?

[See the complete data analysis that converted a skeptic] → https://blog.optometrylabs.com/post/the-math-behind-the-magic-statistical-analysis-of-500-workshops

The Phone Call That Made Me Angry Enough to Change an Industry

 I don't get angry often. But last Tuesday at 4:17 PM, I got furious.

Dr. Sarah was on the phone, and I could hear her trying not to cry.

"I just got off with agency number seven," she said. "They're refusing to honor their guarantee. Again."

"What was their reason this time?"

"I posted our content at 3:18 PM instead of their recommended 3:17 PM. Apparently, that voids everything."

I'm not making this up.

"Garry, I've spent $72,000 on marketing guarantees. I have a drawer full of contracts. You know how many have actually paid out when we missed targets?"

I knew the answer.

"Zero," she whispered. "Not one."

That's when I got angry.

The Drawer of Broken Promises

Dr. Sarah sent me photos of all seven contracts that night. I stayed up until 2 AM reading them, getting progressively more frustrated.

Agency #1's "Guarantee": 30 qualified leads monthly
Reality: 30 clicks from randos, including someone looking for a pharmacy
Excuse: "They clicked, so they're qualified!"

Agency #2's "Guarantee": 300% visibility increase
Reality: Showed ads to people 2,000 miles away
Excuse: "We never specified local visibility!"

Agency #3's "Guarantee": 5% engagement rate
Reality: Mostly bots, staff, and her mom
Excuse: "Engagement is engagement!"

Each contract was a masterclass in weasel words. Legal loopholes. Creative definitions. Everything except actual protection for the practice.

The 2:30 AM Decision

I texted my business partner: "We need to talk. Tomorrow. About guarantees."

"It's 2:30 AM," he replied.

"I know. This is important."

The next morning, I showed him Dr. Sarah's contracts. His response was immediate:

"These aren't guarantees. They're fiction."

"Exactly. So let's create a real one."

"That's business suicide. What if practices fail?"

"Then we fail. But at least we'll fail honestly."

The Industry Secret Nobody Says Out Loud

Here's what every agency knows but won't admit:

They can't guarantee results because they don't control enough of the process. They run ads and hope. They generate "leads" and pray. They boost "visibility" and cross fingers.

When you're gambling with client money, you can't afford real guarantees.

But we weren't gambling. We had data from 200+ workshops. We controlled the entire system. We knew the math.

So we did something the industry called "insane."

We guaranteed actual revenue.

The Simple Truth

Our guarantee fits on a napkin:

• 10+ attendees, OR
• 5+ consultations, OR
• $5,000+ revenue

Miss all three? Free workshop.

No lawyer needed. No magnifying glass required. No creative interpretation possible.

When I showed it to Dr. Sarah, she stared at it for thirty seconds.

"This is it?"

"This is it."

"Where's the fine print?"

"There isn't any. You follow our system, we guarantee results. You don't hit benchmarks, we run another workshop free."

"But what about algorithm changes? Compliance requirements? Industry averages?"

"What about them? Either you get results or you don't. Everything else is just excuses."

She actually teared up.

Six Months Later

Dr. Sarah called me yesterday. Happy call this time.

"Just finished workshop number eight. $19,000 in revenue. You know what I did with all those old contracts?"

"What?"

"Framed them. They hang in my office bathroom."

I laughed. "Your bathroom?"

"It's where they belong. Every morning, I look at $72,000 worth of creative writing while brushing my teeth. Reminds me what guarantees should never look like."

The Thing That Still Makes Me Angry

It's been six months since that Tuesday afternoon call. I'm still angry.

Not at the agencies—they're just playing the game everyone accepts.

I'm angry that our industry normalized worthless guarantees. That practices like Dr. Sarah's are so used to being burned they expect it. That "guarantee" became a meaningless marketing term instead of actual protection.

Your RF/IPL device cost too much to bet on wordplay.

Your practice deserves better than creative writing.

Your trust is worth more than escape clauses.

See exactly how we exposed every guarantee scam (and what real protection looks like)

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*P.S. - Dr. Sarah texted me this morning: "New agency called. They guarantee 'unprecedented brand awareness.' I told them I already have framed toilet paper, thanks."

Some lessons are worth $72,000.*

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Garry Regier is the founder of PatientGrowthMachine™, specializing in helping optometrists and ophthalmologists unlock the full ROI of their RF/IPL technology through proven patient workshop systems. To learn if your practice qualifies for our "Until It Pays" guaranteed workshop system, schedule a Launch Strategy Call today.

The Text That Made Me Create Our "Until It Pays" Guarantee

It was 11:47 PM on a Tuesday when I got the text that changed everything.

"Garry, I need to cancel tomorrow's call. I can't justify another marketing expense to my wife. We're done trying."

It was from Dr. Williams, three weeks into our workshop campaign. His first event was in four days.

I stared at that text for twenty minutes.

The Backstory Nobody Knows

Dr. Williams wasn't just another client. He'd been burned. Badly.

Three agencies. $50,000+ spent. His wife—also his practice manager—had watched their marketing budget disappear into Facebook's pockets with nothing to show for it.

"Qualified leads" that never answered the phone.
"Brand awareness" that never filled the schedule.
"Engagement metrics" that never paid bills.

When he'd signed with us, she'd given him an ultimatum: "This is the last one. If this doesn't work, we're done marketing the IPL."

And now, three weeks in, with RSVPs just starting to trickle in, fear was winning.

The 11:53 PM Decision

I could have sent the professional response: "Let's discuss your concerns tomorrow. I'm confident in the system."

Instead, I typed something that would later become company policy:

"What if you only paid us if it worked?"

Three dots appeared. Disappeared. Appeared again.

"What do you mean?"

"Run the workshop. If you don't get 10 attendees, 5 consultations, or $5K in revenue, we'll run another one free. You only pay for ads."

"What's the catch?"

"The catch is you have to trust the system for one more week."

The Wednesday Morning Call

Dr. Williams called at 7 AM.

"My wife wants to know why you'd offer that."

Fair question. Here's what I told them:

"Because I've run 237 workshops. I know the math. Average attendance is 15-18 people. Average revenue is $12-15K. Your market is solid. Your device is perfect. Your only problem is fear. I'm willing to bet on the math."

His wife got on the phone: "And if we get 9 people?"

"Free workshop."

"If we get 4 consultations?"

"Free workshop."

"If we make $4,999?"

"Free workshop."

"This seems like bad business for you."

"Only if our system doesn't work. And it does."

The First Workshop

14 attendees showed up.
8 booked consultations.
$11,400 in revenue.

Dr. Williams texted me that night: "My wife wants your guarantee in writing for all our future workshops."

"Already working on it," I replied.

The Guarantee That Fear Built

That's the origin story nobody knows. Our "Until It Pays" guarantee wasn't born from confidence—it was born from a text message at 11:47 PM from a doctor ready to give up.

Since then:

• 300+ practices have used it
• 18 have needed the free workshop
• 15 of those 18 succeeded on workshop two

Dr. Williams? He's run 14 workshops now. His wife manages their RF/IPL schedule full-time because it's too busy for anyone else to handle.

What This Means for You

If you're sitting there with an underperforming RF/IPL device, burned by agencies that promised everything and delivered nothing, I get it.

Your spouse/partner/office manager is skeptical. Your bank account is tired. Your patience is shot.

But here's the thing: math doesn't care about your past experiences.

Good systems produce predictable results. And we're willing to bet our fee on it.

The guarantee isn't just business policy. It's our way of saying: "We know you've been hurt. We know you're scared. Let us carry the risk this time."

The Text I Send Now

When doctors reach out at their breaking point—and they always do, usually late at night—I send them this:

"I know you're scared to try again. I know someone's pressuring you to give up. Here's my promise: Hit any reasonable benchmark (10 attendees, 5 consults, or $5K revenue) or we run another workshop free. No asterisks. No BS. Just math and accountability."

About half immediately ask: "What's the catch?"

Same answer every time: "The catch is you have to show up and follow the system."

See the full guarantee details here

Because sometimes the best business decision is removing the risk from people who've already risked enough.

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*P.S. - Dr. Williams' wife now sends me practice updates every quarter. Last week's text: "32 IPL treatments booked this month. Remember when I wanted to quit? Thank you for that Tuesday night text."

Some guarantees protect money. Ours protects hope.*

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Garry Regier is the founder of PatientGrowthMachine™, specializing in helping optometrists and ophthalmologists unlock the full ROI of their RF/IPL technology through proven patient workshop systems. To learn if your practice qualifies for our "Until It Pays" guaranteed workshop system, schedule a Launch Strategy Call today.